Posted by: highmountainmuse | September 6, 2009

Defining what matters most

Me and my honey on top of the mountain

Me and my honey on top of the mountain

Six years ago today the improbable happened.  Bob and I were married.  News spread and people came from far and wide to see what they never expected to take place.  The joining of the independent woman and the perpetual bachelor…

It was a remarkable first for both of us.  We were finally ready. (Yes, I know, some of us are late to grow up – but more important, I am sure, was that we both finally found the right partner.)  Finally old enough to know what we were doing, to know what we wanted, to know it was right and would work… despite the challenges 

Challenges.  Of course every marriage has them.  Age old as our problem was, it still seems to me as an unfortunate and unnecessary challenge. Family. In-laws…

Legend has it that on our wedding day, the mother and brother of my husband vowed to split us up within five years.  My husband was 45 and had never been married.  I suppose in their minds, he was never supposed to be married, and certainly, never supposed to be happy.

Thanks to the in-laws, the marriage got off to a rather rocky start… On the evening after our wedding, my husband’s mother stumbled into our home in a stupor, and our honey moon scheduled to begin the following day was cancelled in order to care for her. 

The dramas have continued ever since. 

And yet despite it all, happy is still a word we define ourselves by, our relationship by, each other by. 

In the face of such adversity, a good relationship gets stronger.  What could have split us apart brought us together – our need to stand up for what we believed was right… despite the challenges, against the odds, and certainly against their efforts.

What we believe is right, first and foremost, we have learned, is our family, the three of us. Our relationship, our well being, our safety and our security, our business and our home, our joy and our love and our friendship together.

Each and every one of us are forced at times to define what really matters.  Challenges can be seen as opportunities.  Opportunities to find and figure what matters most.  What is worth keeping, creating, and walking away from.

We all have our challenges, our mountains to climb, the rocky slopes and threats of sheer drops offs, the storms that may catch us off guard.  We hunker down at times and wait out the weather, trudge onward other times no matter how tired and sore. Yet through it all, we must remember to stop and gaze about the mountain, enjoy the view, and look back at how far we have come.  Look around, and see how much we have created.  Our relationship, our family, our home… Our love and yes, our happiness. 

Challenges.  Helping us define what matters most.  I am still fiercely independent.  Bob still, I tease him at times, holds onto some of his bachelor ways. We are not two peas in a pod, and I would never want to marry myself.  A relationship is based on balance.  I once read that a good relationship is based on love not despite differences, but because of them.  I don’t want a clone; I want a special individual to balance, to challenge, to help me define what matters most… and yes, sappy as this may sound, I don’t think anyone can deny that what matters most… is LOVE.



  1. Congrats! My husband and I will be celebrating our anniversary in a few days – funny how close we are in the date!

    Love the mountain picture – that’s where my honey proposed (on top of a mountain)!

  2. I read this with a big grin and appreciation for your honesty and wonderful resilience. This post renews my hope for my own path. Differences are vital. It’s not recognized enough in this world, is it? Dated a guy recently who kept saying “but we have so much in common! we like the same things!” and this was why we should continue with each other, in his mind. As far as I was concerned, we needed to have more differences, to challenge each other. Besides, one me is almost more than I can manage.

    Hugs to you…and Happy Anniversary!

  3. Gin and Bob!
    Congrats on your happiness, honesty, friendship, challenges, victories, support, balance, and love.

    See you next week!!!

  4. Happy Anniversery! I can relate so much…from family troubles, to cancelled honeymoons (still waiting for that to take place…), but I can also relate to the absolute wonder that comes when that connection is made, especially when it was unlikely, improbable, and near impossible.

    All the best to you both.

  5. Gin & Bob Congratulations! I wish you many long years together and much happiness!

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